I just stumbled on your website today and am totally disgusted at myself for waiting sooo long to seek out Godly information and for not listening to God, who I know now has been trying to get me to this place for years. I have no one to talk to about what I'm going through now, who would truly understand.

My story covers 21 years of living with a so-called incurable mental illness. Have been a Christian since early childhood. I am now almost 48, married 27 years (1st 10 years very bad, mid yrs so so, now very good), have 2 adult boys. My story is very long but i want to share as briefly as i can. Had a major breakdown in '86, put on anti-psychotic medications, '90 diagnosed bi-polar, put on lithium, was on it for 17yrs. It stablized me emotionally and was told then i could live a normal life as long as i stayed on the drug. The doctor i had been seeing the last 10 yrs never wanted to change and try something new so i changed to a new doctor about 6 mos ago. She was willing to take me off the lithium and try something new.

When i began to be weaned off of this drug i began to feel like i was coming out of this dark foggy existence that i didn't realize i was in. Have been struggling with memory retention for years and getting worse every year.  Quit reading books years ago because i couldn't remember very well anything i read, only read God's Word, all i've needed. The doctor has started me on Lamactical? which i quit myself a month ago, can't handle the side effects. She doesn't know it yet.

Now completely off drugs i feel a total transformation. Thanking God, happier now more than ever. I feel things more, everything taste better, i remember things now, i could go on and on. I almost feel like i'm 25 again, before my breakdown. Always thought this was it, told stress caused the illness but there was no cure, then was told a few years ago i was actually born with it. Have never read a book about bi-polar, never researched it, no support groups, living these years being a wife and mom, working full-time, and doing what the doctors told me to do, always take your medication. Haven't counseled in years, just go to get my prescription.

Just recently i started to look into to my condition and what is being said out there. Started finding Christian information on mental illnesses and now here i am. Wow! it's been quit a ride!!!! I want to totally forget the past.

When i started coming off the lithium, for several weeks i would experience waves of deep pain and would cry and cry so hard at times. As i began to cry less and less this dark cloud began to lift and this heaviness began to lift off of me. It's been such a wonderful freeing feeling. I believe i am now totally healed and freed of all my past damaged emotions that were still with me buried deep inside me all these years.  I believe being medicated all these years have masked these painful emotions and kept them buried inside me wanting to be felt, dealt with, and healed. I believe God has revealed this to me, I have talked to no one or read anything yet.

I  now just want to go on with my happy life. Praise be to God. I don't want to take any more drugs and i don't want to see another psychiatrist ever.