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Exposing Psychology, Exalting Christ |
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| Q&A - How do I handle my controlling, stubborn, selfish husband?Question: My dear husband has made lots of bad decisions in our marriage....decisions
that have hurt me a lot in more ways than one...concerning the children and my
health, etc.
From the things you are
describing, it sounds like your husband isn't loving you like Christ loved
the church and gave himself for her, as he is commanded in the Bible to do:
Loving you means he should be
treating you with respect, listening to you, submitting to you...
Basically treating you like a
cherished gift from God. It sounds like he considers you beneath him, which
is not biblical. He is over you in position, but not in importance. In fact,
God calls the husband to put the wife above him in importance if he
is dying for her like Christ died for the church.
Regarding parenting, your
husband needs to treat your children in a consistent manner as you. If he
has differences of opinion, he should express those to you in private and
you should work through them and come to an agreement between the two of
you. Your children need to see consistency, not only for their clarity and
well-being, but so they can see you two are a team. When they see you two
are divided, it sets a bad example, and allows the children to take
advantage, esp. in the teenage years. The wife should take a higher priority
than the children, in the husband's eyes. Putting the children above the
wife is a recipe for disaster.
Regarding spending, we recommend
the two of you jointly create a budget where you generally agree upon what
is spent each month. Once you come into agreement on a budget, he should not
take issue with your purchases. Exceptions can be discussed and worked
through as they come up. But even without a budget, health expenses should
always take top priority, and not allowing you to purchase health-related
items amounts to abusive, disrespectful behavior.
Here are some practical things
you can do:
1) Pray for him every day, that
God would teach him how to love and respect you, as God would want.
2) Submit to his leadership, as
God has ordained. When a decision is made that you don't agree with, kindly
and respectfully state your opinion and offer alternative suggestions. If he
ignores them and does what he wants anyway, your flesh will want to argue
and fight, but the best thing you can do is lift up every situation
to the Lord in prayer privately, and over time God will deal with him.
3) Even if your husband doesn't
change, you'll find that God will change you if you do 1) and 2)
consistently. He has an amazing way of using difficult situations in a
marriage to teach us experientially about the relationship between Christ
and his church.
Your husband needs to sacrifice
for you as Christ sacrificed for him. He needs to deny his selfish desires
to control and please self. Remember, all you can do is your part - he
alone is responsible for his.
Hope this helps.
Lisa and Ryan Bazler
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