Question:

I need some insight on alcoholism. I am troubled deeply about my husband's abuse of alcohol. He is a believer and knows that it is not good and keeps "trying" to get control over it.  I don't believe that drinking is wrong, but drunkenness and abusing it is.

He changes when he drinks.  Almost as if he becomes gradually given over to the flesh.  He is not abusive, but i am so troubled being around him when he is like this.  It gives me such a sick and sad feeling.

I want to be a faithful wife and stay by his side, but i don't think i can be around it.  We have [children] that i would not want to take away from their daddy.  We do talk about it and he did agree… that he would seek outside help… if he couldn't get it under control, but that he is not ready to give it up…

I'm just not sure if this is a disease like it is labeled, or a spiritual stronghold - maybe both.  Any advise on what i should do?  where i should go?  Any thoughts on A.A.?  

He knows how i feel and agrees with me that it is not good and says he doesn't want it to be like this, but then he just does it again.  Supposedly, his grandfather was an alcoholic and also a Christian man so we wonder how the heredity thing plays in.  Is it a generational curse kind of thing maybe?  I fear for my children and someday their children if this is biblical.  These thoughts make me even more upset at my husband for what he is doing to his family.

I am going to go and pray about all of this - again.  God is so good and faithful to me.  I know that He will use all of these things for good.  I just ache deep inside realizing my constant struggle to like and respect my husband.  Thanks for letting me share this with you guys and for your counsel. 

Response:

Abusing alcohol is just giving into the flesh. "Alcoholism" has never been proven to be a physical disease or genetic. The Bible would diagnose alcoholism as drunkenness, a work of the flesh listed in Gal. 5. Paul commands us in Ephesians to not be drunk with wine, but be filled with the Spirit.

The best thing you can do for him is pray, pray and pray. Pray that he would desire to feed the Spirit who lives in him (through spiritual practices like prayer, Bible study, worship, fellowship, etc.), and not feed the flesh--that he would starve the desires of the flesh and choose not to fulfill them.

You might also make sure he understands all the above - so he won't waste his time and money with treatments that assume his drunkenness is a "disease" requiring "professional" help. Orgs like AA are ecumenical self-help programs that produce more bondage through self-dependence and AA group-dependence. AA was not, and is not, a Christian organization, and AA's god is "god as we understand him" - not the true and living God who can really help him. While AA has helped some, this is not God’s ideal.

Even Christian programs usually have AA or other psychological components in them. We recommend simply opening up the Scriptures and believing and obeying God, and trusting Him for the results. He will provide the overcoming power if we do it His way and not ours. Is your husband in the Word consistently?

He would also benefit from accountable relationships with other Christian men, who will hold him up in prayer and encourage him to walk in newness of life and not according to the old man. This is not a support group--just relationships with mature believers that would help him grow in Christ and in holiness and sanctification.

Alcoholism is not hereditary because it is a moral choice, not organic. It certainly didn't help, though, watching this occur around him growing up. Environment certainly affects us, but the Lord is more powerful and can overcome this background, as you know.

Generational curses are not New-Testament-based because when you are in Christ, you are a new creation: the old is gone, the new has come. Of course, the flesh will want to interfere with this new identity and new walk, and it's up to us to keep it at bay and feed the Spirit with spiritual things.

Keep on praying and never give up, and we believe God will answer in His time. In the meantime, be encouraged that He is using this difficulty to mold and shape you into His masterpiece of Christlikeness, and to bear increasing fruit in and through your life. Your gentle, quiet, godly and reverent example will eventually get through to Him as you soak it in prayer. The Lord is pleased with such behavior, so keep it up sister!

Hope this helps!

Grace and peace,

 

Lisa and Ryan Bazler

www.psychologydebunked.com

2 Peter 1:3, 2 Cor. 12:9, Col. 2:8-10