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OPEN REBUKE AND FAITHFUL WOUNDS

By Jeremy Lelek, Ph.D. Candidate

http://www.christiancounseling.com

Many theoretical approaches to counseling are strongly influenced by the works of Carl Rogers and his therapeutic model known as Person Centered Therapy (Rogers, 1989). From his theory emerged the notion referred to as non-directional counseling in which the counselor is trained to make a conscientious choice not to direct the counselee, but instead reflects the counselee's words back to him or her in hopes that the counselee will discover his or her own way towards self-actualization and healing. Therefore, much emphasis (on the part of the counselor) was placed on human potential and man's innate goodness, while great care was taken by the therapist not to impose absolute values or even engage in any sort of confrontational methods. Certainly, it would not be fair to group all secular-counseling approaches into Rogers' framework, but the spirit of his person-centered emphasis is extremely evident in the modern psychotherapeutic arena.

Unlike Rogers, the author of Proverbs esteemed the use of confrontation as a precious gift of God. He writes, "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy" (Proverbs 27:5-6, ESV). Here he emphasizes the importance of openness and honesty in relating to others. This is strongly contrasted to the idea he refers to as "hidden love" which may be understood as offering love in a very subliminal way. From a counseling perspective, such love may be illustrated in fostering kindness and compassion with a counselee to the exclusion of speaking truthfully about his or her sinful behavior, thinking, and living. Notice the phrase "to the exclusion of" here. In other words, dealing with counselees compassionately is very important, but compassion cannot be conceptualized as being equivalent to Rogers' idea of "unconditional positive regard" in which judgments and confrontation are not allowed as it pertains to a counselee. On the contrary, Solomon (the author of Proverbs) discourages such a view, and goes so far as saying that wounds (often created by the open rebuke of a friend) are faithful or trustworthy. A friend here may ultimately be understood as someone who seeks to influence another towards repentance before a holy God.

Conversely, he points out that an enemy may offer many kisses (e.g., compliments, encouragements, empathy, genuineness, etc.), but that such gestures cannot be trusted. An enemy may be understood, from a counseling perspective, as anyone who engages in methods that are not centered in bringing glory and honor to God or that are not designed to point the counselee to Jesus Christ. From a Rogerian perspective, such "kisses" mentioned in Proverbs do not serve this purpose, rather they are offered in hopes of connecting a client to his or her inner potential, (acquired self-esteem or self-worth) therefore fostering an autonomy in which the person learns the power of believing in self. As such, a counselor may be kind and empathetic towards a counselee, but if the motives behind such gestures are misguided, the end result is tragedy!

REFERENCES:

Rogers, C. (1989). On becoming a person: A therapist's view of psychotherapy. New York: Houghton Mifflin.

The Holy Bible. (2002). English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bible.